Learning it the hard way
by spones
Summary: A take on Robert's and Cora's first months of being husband and wife. Not everything is going smoothly and: "Marriage is a long business." Part of the "Cobert Valentine's fanfiction exchange". Happy Valentine's Day.
1. Prologue

Downton Abbey does not belong to me in any way, just borrowing the characters for a bit...

This is part of the Cobert Valentine's fanfiction exchange (brilliant idea!), so Happy Valentine's Day dear lovely Coberts. Have fun.

This is unbetaed - so I want to apologise for any mistakes in advance.

My prompt is/was: "Patrick sits Robert down for a serious talking about pleasing a woman, as Robert has been very awkward for the first two months of his marriage to Cora. The results impact all three of them."

* * *

"Mmmh, that was very nice," Cora purred, while her fingertips drew lazy circles on Robert's sweaty chest.

"Yes, it was," Robert drawled in his post-coital bliss, not bothering to open his eyes but enjoying Cora's featherlight touches.

Suddenly, Cora giggled. "What is it?" He asked lazily, a little smile playing on his lips.

"Do you remember our wedding night?" She asked.

"How could I ever forget this disaster?" He answered with an audible sigh. "I was such an arrogant twat. I do apologize."

Cora laughed again because Robert's face had taken on a rather pained expression and she knew, she had touched a sore spot and did not want to ruin their perfect evening. She had only mentioned it because after their exceptionally intense lovemaking of just half an hour ago, Cora had realised how far they had come in 20 years. Both of them. Together. And how unbelievably happy she was now with this man, who had married her all those years ago only for her money. If someone had asked her then whether she thought she would be happy at the side of this man, she would have laughed, or cried more likely. But now, she didn't want to be anywhere else.

"Well, it wasn't a complete disaster and if I'd known then what I know now, I probably wouldn't have wept that much," Cora said and edged even closer to him. She started caressing his cheek softly with her hand, while under the covers her leg found its way between his. She kissed him on the lips, her tongue asking tentatively for entrance.

"I'm still so sorry about those first months," he sighed when they broke the kiss for air. He had pulled her on top of him and stroked her back lovingly.

"Don't be," she whispered still a bit breathless, "sometimes it's better to start at the bottom and work your way up, so to speak."

She hadn't even finished her sentence, when she felt both of his hands kneading her naked buttocks slowly but deliberately, pressing her body into his, his blue eyes piercing into hers.

"Like this?" He growled huskily.

"Yess, good God, exactly like this" she gasped, before her lips found his again.


	2. and I pronounce you man and wife

It had been the perfect wedding. The sun had been shining all day, the whole county had turned out to cheer and to greet the foreign but magnificently beautiful bride on her way to the church and Lords and Ladies from throughout the country had paid their respects to the old and distinguished family of Grantham, who secured their future the moment the young heir had bequeathed his bride with the wedding ring in front of the century old altar of the church of Downton Village, where all Granthams who had come before him had married their wives and all that would come after him would marry theirs.

It had also been a rather tiring day for everyone involved, when Robert and his father finally managed to sit down in the evening for a last drink in the library of Downton Abbey.

Cora had retired almost an hour ago and as Robert looked at the clock, he realised she would be ready by now. And waiting for him. On the other hand, why should he gulp down half a glass of exceptionally good scotch whisky, which deserved to be appreciated.

Robert was a bit nervous, he had to admit it. If he was honest, he knew nothing about loving a woman, about how that should feel. He didn't love Cora, that he was sure of, but what was actually missing, he wouldn't have been able to tell. She was beautiful, oh yes, and interesting and refreshingly different from the young English women, most of which he had known for a long time. Not to mention her generous dowry.

But somehow he couldn't imagine himself in 20 years time and still find her interesting and refreshingly different and attractive. Most of the older Ladies of the english aristocracy had at some point in their lives become plump, wrinkled creatures, who had lost their appeal somewhere along the way of their marriages. All of which, quite frankly, was a complete mystery to him.

But then again, Robert didn't really believe in living "happily ever after" anyway. The marriages he knew where all marriages of convenience. In his circles, one didn't marry for love or at least not commonly so. If you were lucky, love came over time, his own parents were the best example for that, but if it didn't, well, he wasn't really bothered. When after having given birth to his children, to his son and heir, Cora became unattractive or simply tired of physical love, there would always be ways to solve that particular problem discreetly elsewhere.

At least he wasn't the type to confuse love with lust. He had seen that, too, and it hadn't ended well. Today, Robert Crawley, future Earl of Grantham, had married a woman of considerable beauty, whom he liked no less, and that had to be sufficient for tonight. And it would be. He was a man after all.

Robert stood up, put his now empty glass down and wanted to take his leave when suddenly his father, who had been staring into the fire for the last ten minutes, cleared his throat:

"Son?"

"Yes, Sir?" The tone of his father's voice made Robert feel like a 10-year-old boy again, which meant, something in him knew, that what was about to come would very probably be awkward.

"I know," Patrick continued somewhat hurried, "this won't be your first time with a woman."

Robert felt himself blushing: "Father, I do know what to do..."

"I'm sure you know what to do. But this will be different," Patrick cut him off. He didn't want to give his son this particular kind of talk.

Throughout the day, Patrick had constantly been thinking about his own wedding and how incredibly awkward his wedding night had been, because no one had dared to tell him certain things beforehand and it had taken Violet and he almost a year to discover those things all for themselves. If they hadn't fallen in love within the first months, it could have easily ended like so many other marriages he had witnessed going down the drain, because husband and wife didn't dare speak to each other. About what they wanted, what they liked, what they needed.

Patrick also knew, that the older you got, the lesser your happiness depended on how you got along in the bedroom, but it did matter throughout the first years and he had sensed, that, although his son clearly liked his new wife and might also desire her body, he wouldn't fall for her quickly. And when he did, if ever, it could well be too late. At around tea time that day he had vowed to himself not to repeat the mistake of his own father and to talk to his son.

Something in him just wanted Robert and his wife to be happy, with which he actually surprised himself.

"Cora seems to be a rather petite young woman," he told Robert. "And she adores you. Have you seen the way she looks at you?"

Very obviously Robert hadn't because his eyes suddenly widened in surprise.

"Anyway", Patrick continued, "I suspect, she will want to please you, but she won't know how. And how could she? She has never had a man, you know, like this." Patrick paused and took a breath: "And tonight, Robert, you will hurt her. Son? Are you listening to me?"

"I am, Sir." Robert managed to answer. By now his face had turned crimson. Of all the possible moments his father had chosen this one, the very last one, for this kind of speech. And apparently he hadn't finished, yet.

"But you can make it easier for her, Robert. Try to be gentle, prepare her before... you know... women can enjoy it, too, believe me, I know, and it's much more rewarding for us men when they do."

Robert could only cough in embarrassment for his thoughts were racing through his head by now. Unfortunately in the wrong direction, because he suddenly remembered all he had heard about sleeping with a virgin, about the apparently so amazing feeling of deflowering a woman. He hadn't thought of that until now. It would hurt her? How could that be?

He had slept with women before, well, two actually, and they were, well, "experienced". His first time had been nice enough, quick, though, because he hadn't managed to control himself, but then again, why should he have? Robert suddenly realised, that at the time, he hadn't wasted any thought at all on how or what the woman felt, because it had all been about him. His father and his own pals had encouraged him to do it and he had wanted to, sure, because he wanted to know how it's done. He was a grown man and he had needs.

Now his father was telling him, that he would hurt Cora? He didn't love her, true, but the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her. On the other hand, the thought of making love to Cora, to touch her slender figure, to kiss her pink warm lips again, to taste her mouth and feel her tongue around his and then to take her, and be the very first to do so, aroused him greatly. Involuntarily he started to imagine how she would feel around him, wet, hot and - as his already married friends had told him, that virgins were - tight. Robert felt a rather familiar stirring in his nether regions and tried to hide the embarrassing but growing bulge in his trousers by crossing his hands in front of him when his father interrupted this particular train of thought:

"I'm sorry, son, I didn't mean to embarrass you," he said and Robert thought he saw something of a knowing smile, but it was so short, that he might as well have imagined it. "That was what I wanted to say." And with that, Patrick gulped down the last bit of his whisky. The speech was over, thank God.

"Thank you, father. I'll try to bear it in mind. I think, I'll retire now."

"Good night, son." Now Patrick smiled for real.

"Good night, father." Robert said and left the library, still trying to cover the front of his trousers as best he could without looking too silly and trying to maintain an appropriate speed. The stairs though, Robert took two at a time.


	3. Innocence and Ignorance

_Be warned, this is not really pleasant. No "bedroom manners" yet..._

* * *

Impatiently and just a little bit too forcefully Robert knocked at Cora's door and entered almost before Cora could say something.

There she was. His wife. Sitting on the edge of her bed, their bed, in her nightgown, her hair down and engulfed in the warm light of the candles. Robert closed the door and leaned against it to recover his breath. He could feel his heart beating against his chest and his trousers tightening further at the sight of her, sitting there on the bed, looking at him expectantly.

"Robert," Cora said, "I almost thought, you'd forgotten me."

"Forgotten? No, no, I didn't forget you," he spluttered. "My... my father just wanted to talk to me."

"Ah," Cora said, wondering what on earth had been so important that it had kept Robert from her bedroom for so long.

They looked at each other for a while, until Cora's nervousness got the better of her and she had to look away. "What now?" She whispered coyly.

"Now?" She suddenly heard Robert breathe in front of her, obviously thinking he was being seductive but it only made her jump. Cora had been so lost in her thoughts that she had completely missed how he had gotten rid of his tails, his bow tie and his waist coat. Now he was standing just mere inches away from her, his shirt half-open and his bulging trousers right in front of her eyes. Which made her crawl back on the bed.

"Oh God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," Robert blurted out and abandoning the buttons of his shirt, he knelt between her feet and grabbed her now naked knees to prevent her from crawling further away from him.

"Robert, please" Cora hissed but couldn't find the words she actually wanted to say.

"Shhh, Cora, please don't be afraid," he said, forcing himself to calm down and suddenly remembering what his father had told him just minutes ago.

"Robert, I don't know what to do. What do you want me to do?"

"Just... I don't know... just... lie back and try to relax," he said, realising that he was still holding her by her knees. He let his hands slide down her lower legs and started to place soft kisses on her soft skin until he reached her feet. It felt incredible and the last clear thought that went through his mind was that he wouldn't be able to control himself. And that something in him felt sorry for her. But he couldn't help it. All he wanted, was to be inside her, to bury himself in her and to feel her around him.

When Robert started to kiss her legs, his eyes closed, and then continued to move up on her, when he grabbed her by her waist, clumsily removing her underwear, Cora thought, she couldn't feel more tense than she did at that moment.

It was the most disturbing feeling she had ever had.

On the one hand, she was in love with this man, she had longed to kiss him again, to feel the warmth of his body near her again. Her body wanted that, too, it seemed. Since Robert had started kissing her legs and caressing her skin, she felt it reacting to his nearness and to the fact, that he was obviously very aroused. On the other hand, she was so very much afraid. Her mother had told her in that very special way of hers that it would hurt, probably a lot, depending on how big her husband would be "down there" and after being confronted with the bulge in his trousers so surprisingly, she thought, he must be huge. Her mother had also told her, to try to relax as best she could by thinking of something pleasant and that it would get easier with time and practice.

Suddenly, she heard Robert groan and herself whimper. Where did that come from? She had been lost in her thoughts again. By now he had moved even further up and had gotten rid of his shirt in the process. She was lying on her back and he was kneeling above her, capturing her breasts with his mouth and sucking at them. Gently at first but his breathing got heavier by the second and his touches more intense. The sounds he made were quite animalistic but they also turned her on and made her body react in some strange way. To Cora's surprise it felt so good that she wanted more of that. This was actually pleasant. But at the very moment, she started to relax and to surrender herself to the feelings he evoked, Robert moved further upwards, and with his face buried in her neck, he undid his trousers and groaned:

"Oh God, Cora, you are so beautiful. Spread your legs."

She wasn't quite ready, but she did as she was told. After all, what Cora wanted most, was for him to enjoy it. Perhaps he would feel more for her, if he enjoyed it? She hadn't seen his manhood, but if she was honest, she would probably be even more afraid if she had. So she tried to relax and waited for Robert's next move and soon enough, Cora felt the tip of his manhood touching her between her legs.  
He had to use his hand to guide himself into the right position and the moment, Cora felt him dip into her, she shut her eyes firmly, trying to prepare herself for the coming pain.

"God, you're tight." Robert grunted into her soft, warm neck and pushed into her until he felt her barrier give way.

The moment, the pain seared through Cora, every muscle in her body suddenly tensed. She cried out and reflexively her arms flung around his back, her hands grabbed his hair rather forcefully and her legs closed around his waist, which, unintentionally, pushed him completely into her.

"Oh my God", he choked.

In an instant, all movement stilled and nothing could be heard in the room but Cora's pained whimpering and Robert's very heavy breathing.

It was almost too much for Robert. He was already close, he could feel it, but he sensed, that Cora needed time to adjust and to relax again, so he tried not to move, although every fibre in his body wanted to, because this was everything he had imagined it to be. She was certainly hot and wet and even tighter than he had hoped for in his wildest dreams. But now he had hurt her, like his father had told him he would. Robert forced himself to look into her face for the first time. Her eyes were shut fiercely and tears rolled down on both sides of her face.

"Cora, I'm so sorry, but I can't...", was all he managed to say, before his body betrayed him and he started to move inside her. To his credit, he started slowly and managed to keep that slow pace for some time until he felt that she had relaxed a bit and he could move easier and therefore faster.  
When he kissed her on the mouth, though, to show her that he enjoyed it, something deep down within him realised that she didn't. Her eyes stayed shut and she didn't kiss him back, at least not like she had before, and her hands just clung to his shoulders, somehow telling him to finish and get off of her.

Robert didn't need long until he climaxed with a loud and prolonged groan, collapsing on top of her.

Just moments after he had rolled off of her, pondering whether he should stay a bit longer or leave immediately, Cora curled up in the fetal position with her back to him, trying very hard not to sob too audibly. Why did it hurt so much? Didn't they fit? Would it always be like this? Him, the man she was in love with, nonetheless, just grunting away on top of her? Why hadn't she liked it? What had she done wrong?

Robert was confused. To him, it had been the best sex he had ever had. Well, he hadn't had much, but Cora was in another league entirely, compared to his previous encounters. She was so very beautiful, her body was perfect and she had felt so incredibly good around him. So why was she crying? Why hadn't she enjoyed it as much as he had? What had he done wrong?

Robert decided to leave. Surely it was for the best to let her recover on her own, because he suddenly felt as if he had violated her in a way and she surely wouldn't want to cuddle a bit with a man who had just hurt her so much.

What he saw when he leaned over to tell her that he was leaving for his room, shocked him. Cora's face was covered in tears and her eyes were still shut fiercely. When he touched her arm, he could feel her shivering under his hand and he suddenly remembered vividly what his father had tried to tell him.

"This will be different. ... Tonight, you will hurt her. ... Be gentle ..."

"Cora? I'm going to leave now," he said. She didn't react. "Cora? I've enjoyed it very much. You're so very beautiful." She didn't react to that either. "I'm so sorry I hurt you," he said, placing a soft kiss on her shoulder and left.

When he had closed the door to his dressing room, hearing her weep freely in the next room, he had to lean against it for support. That did not go well... and then he suddenly realised that he was still wearing his trousers. And his socks.

"Good God," he thought. "What a bloody fool you are, Robert Crawley!" He hadn't even bothered to get fully undressed.


	4. The worries of a father

_Thank you all for your brilliant (and kind) reviews so far. I lol'd frequently and yes, I'd like to punch Robert, too, but I'd also like to defend him a bit. He just doesn't know any better, not yet anyway... This is growing like I don't know what at the moment, so there will be a few more chapters over the next days. I hope I can keep up with my own mind on this. Love you xx_

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The next morning, everyone pretended that nothing had happened.

Apart from the decorations which were still in place and the mountain of wedding presents in the drawing-room, which had reached Himalayan proportions over the last couple of days, nothing suggested that there were Newlyweds living in the house.

Robert appeared for breakfast as usual, where his father was already reading the Morning papers. "Bad sign," Patrick thought, but he didn't want to pry into what was essentially his son's business. So he kept on reading after the obligatory "Good Morning". He pretended to, at least.  
But after he had heard Robert sit down in his usual seat to his right-hand side, he lowered the paper to look at his son.

"Even worse," screamed something within him. Robert looked like he hadn't slept at all and if his expression and suddenly intense interest in the scrambled egg on his plate were anything to go by, it certainly was not because he and Cora had enjoyed a long night of conjugal bliss.

"Are you alright, son? Patrick asked. It was very rare, that Patrick felt uncomfortable with the formality of the aristocracy regarding private matters, even within families. But this was one of those occasions. What he actually wanted to ask was "How did it go?" "What happened?" "Why are you looking like someone has died?" But he couldn't do that. It was impossible. Even if Williams, the Butler, wouldn't have been standing regally by the breakfast Buffett. It was just not done.

"I'm fine. Thank you, papa," Robert answered and tried to smile, at which he failed miserably.

"Well, his son had always been a bad liar," Patrick thought. With a slight frown, Patrick tried a different approach.

"Where is Cora?" When he mentioned the name of Robert's new wife, he saw his son flinch and blush again. He actually flinched. Good God, this was bad and Patrick started to wonder, if the marriage had been consummated at all. He made a mental note to check that later.

"She's having breakfast in bed, I think." Robert answered and knew the moment he had spoken the words that this sounded not good.

"You think?" Patrick asked, his voice sharper than he had intended. Robert didn't answer and had gone back to scrutinising his breakfast.

"Alright," Patrick sighed. "It's time I start my day. There are still a few things to sort out before you both leave in a few hours."

The thought of their impending honeymoon made Robert stop chewing for a moment and he involuntarily closed his eyes for a bit longer than just a blink. Patrick could only sigh at the display of his apparently unhappy son and left the dining room to go in search for Carson, the footman, who acted as Robert's valet at the moment and would certainly know whether the wedding night had been a "success". At least in one regard. News like this usually travelled fast downstairs.

He was lucky and found the man in question just rounding a corner in the hall.

"Carson? Might I have a word?"

"Certainly, M'Lord," answered the young man.

"Carson, this is a bit delicate, and I apologise for asking you," Patrick's voice dropped to a whisper, "but do you know whether the maids have changed the sheets yet?"

Carson felt his face turn red when he realised what it was exactly that the Earl wanted to know.

"They have, M'Lord."

"And? Is everything as it should be?"

Carson looked most uncomfortable, when he answered.

"It is, M'Lord."

"Good," Patrick said, not quite able to hide his relief completely.

"And Carson? Any information on how Lady Cora is feeling?"

If Carson was irritated at this kind of question from his employer, he didn't show it, which Patrick was grateful for. Even the fact that he had to ask a servant to gain any knowledge of his son's wedding night was embarrassing enough.

"Well," the footman said in his deep and even voice, "she is well, I believe, although she looked like she had been crying when her maid brought the breakfast."

"Thank you, Carson, you have been most helpful." Patrick dismissed him.

"M'Lord." The footman excused himself with a slight bow.

Patrick remained standing in the hall, trying to figure out what to do next. Or if to do anything at all. Robert had obviously performed his duty successfully, thank God, however, Cora had been crying. But since women cried frequently about all sorts of things, Patrick wasn't sure, if this was really that bad. He couldn't imagine Robert being violent or rude to her in any way, at least not with any intent, because Patrick knew his son. And he knew that Robert liked Cora, his behaviour throughout the serious part of the courtship had proven that to anyone who had eyes, which made the thought of Robert hurting Cora purposefully absurd.

"Good morning, Darling," Violet interrupted his musings.

"Good morning, my wife," Patrick said and on a whim took Violet's hand and kissed her on the cheek.

"Oh," she chuckled surprised, "with what have I deserved that?" Her husband normally didn't kiss her anywhere in public.

"Oh nothing, I just felt like it," he smiled.

Now she was sure that something was amiss, but decided not to inquire further. He would tell her eventually, he always did.

"Now, are you pleased? Our son is now properly married and Downton is saved. Even if she is American." The way she stressed the word "properly", he knew his wife was on top of everything already, as usual.

"Yes, I'm pleased. And Cora is a lovely and nice young lady, Violet. Don't make her even more uncomfortable with your scrutiny. At least not today," he said sternly.

"Men," she huffed a little indignantly. "Everything that has two legs in the right place, is "lovely" and "nice" to you."

"Violet!" He interrupted her before she went too far. "Not today!"

The edge that had crept into his voice made her stop, he was serious and suddenly his words sunk in.

"What do you mean? 'Even more uncomfortable'?"

"Violet, I wondered, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," she answered, back to her more pleasing self.

"Not here, let's go into my study."

When they had entered his study, he turned to her and mustered up all his courage.

"Have you cried in our wedding night?"

"Oh," it dawned on Violet now, what was amiss. "Of course I have."

"What?"

"Every woman cries at least twice around her wedding. Once before and once in her wedding night. It's absolutely normal. Is that the reason, you're worried? Because Cora has cried?" She asked, sharper than she had intended, but she couldn't quite fathom why her husband should be so interested in the welfare of their daughter-in-law.

"It's not just that. Robert looked at breakfast like something has gone seriously wrong and," he couldn't bring himself to say that he actually worried for their happiness, so he took a different path, "well, look at the practical side of things. Will she give us her money, when this," he made a vague hand gesture, "isn't working?"

"Well," the ever practical Violet answered, "it's a bit late for that now, isn't it? The marriage is consummated. She can't just leave now, can she? Being an American, she will have expected too much, if she is really that unhappy. And for Robert, I can't think, he has done anything wrong. Seeing her like this will have made him feel guilty or angry or something. It will pass."

Patrick sighed. He was not really comfortable with the thought, that all the gloominess the young couple displayed this morning should be down to Cora, but he didn't want to make more of it than there possibly was, either.

Violet put a hand on his arm and said more soothingly, "Don't worry. Everything will be fine. Cora will get used to it and Robert will get better at it," she paused and added with amusement in her voice, "You did."

"What?" Patrick was clearly surprised now.

"Well, when I remember correctly, and I always do," Violet continued smiling, "you were feeling quite guilty and angry after our wedding night, too. Give them time. A few weeks, perhaps. When nothing has changed then, and they haven't worked it out for themselves, you might speak to your son. But not yet."

Sometimes his wife had the most brilliant insights in human nature, if only she put them to good use more often, Downton would be an even happier place.

"Thank you. I will," he said, feeling more calm inside now, and gave her another kiss.

"And that woman can talk to her daughter, too." Violet called over her shoulder just before she closed the door on her way out.

When Robert and Cora embarked on their honeymoon a few hours later, the atmosphere was still gloomy and their interactions formal and awkward. Robert sported a formidable frown and Cora was visibly tense, and more so the nearer her husband came to her and although his wife had told him not to interfere just yet, seeing them behave like this pained Patrick too much to do nothing at all.

After Cora had entered the carriage and Robert was just about to do the same, Patrick grabbed his son's arm and pulled him a few steps away from the carriage, out of Cora's earshot. It was a risky thing, because he didn't know exactly what had happened between those two last night, but he had to try it nonetheless. The way they behaved, he couldn't do much more damage anyway.

"Robert. Don't be angry with yourself. And certainly not with her. This happens. It happened to me, too," he paused to see if his son got the message. When Robert's frown lifted a bit and he didn't object outright to his words, Patrick continued, "just try again and be gentle."

"Patrick!" He heard Violet call, "let them go! They'll miss the train."

But he wanted a reaction from his son and waited until Robert nodded at least.

"What was that about?" His wife asked when he had returned to her side to see them off.

"I just had to say a few words, from father to son," he told her, his eyes fixed on the back of the carriage.

With a huff, Violet went inside, leaving him standing on the gravel, wondering and lost in his thoughts.


	5. Two steps forward, one step back

_They are still learning... I'm sorry I've kept you waiting for so long. Apologies for any mistakes still in there, the end is hot off the press, so to speak..._

* * *

Their honeymoon had been arranged shortly after the wedding date had been set and since in Violet's opinion Cora needed to get to know the country she was going to live in for the rest of her life, they were headed for the south coast of England. What Violet hadn't said publicly was, that the Granthams had distant relations and acquaintances all around Robert's and Cora's honeymoon location, who were instructed to keep an eye on the young couple. And especially on the young bride of course. Robert knew that, but didn't really care, he was actually glad that they weren't going to an all too foreign place. He was in enough trouble as it was.

The journey was uneventful, if rather quiet, for they were both caught up in their own thoughts.

One of the reasons Robert had decided to propose to Cora instead of courting one of the other girls who would have been technically suitable, was, that she had the ability to make him laugh. More than once he had found himself involuntarily and rather inappropriately giggling over her remarks or laughing outright about some of her tales. And he had made her laugh, too. He liked her laugh and it pained him, that he obviously had made her sad. Today she hadn't even smiled yet and Robert feared their relationship had lost its former ease forever due to his actions last night. To his slight surprise, he felt rather helpless at the thought. And it frightened him.

His father had been right. He was angry, even furious, with himself. He still was at a loss as to what exactly had went wrong last night, though. Of course he should not have lost his control like he had, he should have gotten fully undressed for once, he should have waited a bit longer perhaps, but on the other hand, her body had been ready for him. So what was the problem? He couldn't figure it out, but being angry all the time wouldn't help, he knew that. This was his, their, honeymoon for God's sake.

When he finally risked a glance at his wife, who was gazing out of the window, his anger suddenly drowned away and he was overcome by a feeling of tenderness for Cora, who, he realized, had no close friends in this country. Only him, but he had hurt her. Yet, she was still so very beautiful. Robert wanted to touch her, to hold her and tell her, that he was sorry for whatever he had done wrong and that everything would be alright. But he didn't dare touch her again and his feelings confused him anyway. So he decided to stay where he was and leave her to her own thoughts.

Cora was naturally unaware of the emotional storm that was raging inside of her new husband but not less confused. While she marveled at the English landscape, which was so much greener than anything she had seen at home in America and which soothed her in a way, her mind returned again and again to the night before.  
Yes, it had hurt, yes, she had been shocked by seeing Robert loosing control so utterly for the first time and by the sudden realization that she was now a "proper" woman, and yes, she had curled up and wept terribly afterwards. But on the other hand, there had been pleasant moments, moments where she had felt excited, like when he had sucked at her breasts or when his weight had accidentally pressed onto a certain spot of her womanhood, moments where she had felt a curious need to touch his skin and an urge to feel his body against hers.  
Nothing had changed in her feelings for him. She was still in love with Robert Crawley and when she finally risked a glance at her husband, who was gazing out of the window, she wanted nothing more than to touch him and to be held by him and to tell him that there was nothing really to be angry at, that she wasn't blaming him for anything, but he had looked so irritated the whole morning that she didn't dare touch him and decided to stay where she was and leave him to his own thoughts.

The fact that their honeymoon had been arranged by his parents meant that they had a proper suite waiting for them. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms and one sitting room with a beautiful balcony overlooking the sea.

Although they never spoke about what had happened in their wedding night, they managed to recover at least parts of their former relationship surprisingly well over the next few days. While they walked through parks, dined at the finest restaurants, visited shops, where Robert bought flowers, dresses and jewelry for Cora, went to the theatre and took long evening strolls on the promenade afterwards, they discovered to their mutual relief that the chemistry was still there. They talked, laughed and even had rather silly moments together.  
At night, though, their ways parted. Robert didn't have the courage to risk their fragile happiness and Cora didn't dare ask him into her bed because she was still a bit afraid that the pain might return. And anyway, it wasn't her place to ask. So she waited for Robert to make the first move.

By the end of the first week, Robert finally found the courage he needed. To his surprise he missed her body, or rather his body missed her body. He had found himself lying awake at night, not being able to get her out of his mind. The soft curves of her breasts, her slender waist, her perfect skin and her wonderful lips. He had dreamt about her, inappropriate dreams which left him waking up in the morning with a raging erection, having to take care of himself.  
"Try again and be gentle," his father had said. Robert had to snort at the thought. Easier said than done.

Remembering the dreams and his morning activities, he wasn't really sure, how he would ever be able to control himself but at least he felt ready to try again. This fine Sunday evening, after having enjoyed a particularly delicious dinner, they had decided to sit by the fire for a while, which engulfed their sitting room in a warm and comfortable light.  
When Cora put down her now empty glass and was about to say Good Night, Robert finally managed to ask her.

"Cora?"

"Mmh?"

"You know, we have to... at some point... I mean, my parents would be... if we don't... and I, I would be...," he stammered, his eyes fixed at the remains of the fire, which had died down by now.

"Robert?"

"Yes?" He finally turned his head to look at her.

"What are you talking about?" Cora genuinely didn't understand, what he was trying to tell her.

"Would you mind terribly, if I came to you tonight?" There, he said it.

A thousand thoughts suddenly raced through Cora's mind all at once. Finally he had asked. But she wasn't ready, or was she? Did she really want him to come to her, like she had thought during the last few days? Or had she just convinced herself that she would like him to? What if the pain came back? But she had missed the warmth of his body, her body had longed for his naked skin, his touch.

"Cora?" Robert's questioning and almost fearful tone brought her back to the reality of the sitting room.

"No. I wouldn't mind." Cora blushed and lowered her gaze.

"Well," he said, a bit awkwardly, "till then," and went to get changed into his pyjamas.

"Yes, till then," Cora whispered to herself and went to get changed into her night attire herself.

When her maid had finished her task and left for the night, Cora sat down on the edge of her bed and waited. She thought briefly whether she should continue reading her book, but decided against it. She wasn't able to think about anything else than what was about to happen. Robert had been nothing but a Gentleman during their honeymoon, but there had always been a curious kind of distance. He had never touched her beyond a certain point. They had kissed each other goodnight, but it had never gone much further than this. One evening she had tried to initiate at least some intimacy by caressing his face, cupping his cheeks in her hands and kissing him softly on the mouth, but when she had started to fumble at his collar and to kiss his neck, Robert had tensed considerably, clasped her hands in his, apologized and bid her goodnight.

A knock on the door startled her out of her reverie.

"Come in," Cora willed herself to keep her voice steady, inside of her though, the fear came creeping back slowly. After Robert had entered her bedroom he took a few steps towards her, stopped, turned around, stopped again and turned around again and then started to look around the room while fumbling with his dressing gown.

'Don't lose control, be gentle, don't lose control,' his inner voice repeated like a mantra.

"Would you... I mean, do you want to...?" Cora looked at him expectantly, again unable to understand what he was trying to say.

"What do I want?" She whispered, her resolve faltering faster than she had expected.

"Erm... the lights, do you want to turn out the lights?"

God, the way she sat there in her nightgown, her hair open, practically flowing around her shoulders, her porcelain skin glowing in the candlelight and blushing more and more with every coy look she directed at him, it was almost too much, even now. Robert felt his body reacting to her nearness, and to her state of undress, much faster than he would have liked.

'Don't lose control, don't lose control.' He felt as if he had an angel sitting on one shoulder, who tried more and more desperately to warn him, so that he might get it right this time, but at the same time there was this little devil sitting on his other shoulder, who could barely contain himself and made him imagine unspeakable things.

"If you want me to," Cora said, blew out the candles, laid back on her bed and waited for the things to come. Only when she heard Robert's faint sigh she realized that it might actually have been a serious question he had asked and not the order she had taken his words for. But on the other hand, if she remembered their wedding night, it probably was for the best.

She could hear him undress and then she felt more than she saw him climb into bed beside her. There he was, so close now, warmth radiating from his body. Cora felt his hand caressing her belly softly through her nightgown and his lips beneath her ear, starting to trail gentle kisses up and down her neck.

"Cora," he breathed heavily, "you're so beautiful."

After a short while of being unsure of what to do now, or if she should do anything at all, Cora managed to push her fears aside, took Robert's face in her hands and found his lips with her own. She had always enjoyed kissing him and although she didn't have anyone really to compare him to, she instinctively knew that he was a good kisser. He had always been tender and affectionate and if she didn't know it better she would have used the word 'loving'. This night was no exception.

After a long while of exploring each others mouths, Cora finally started to let herself get lost in the sensations of being this close to him again and her hands began to wander along his naked chest. When she, rather accidentally, touched his nipples, he groaned into her neck and she could feel him pulling her nightgown up and rolling on top of her.

And there it was again. His manhood between her thighs.

Suddenly, all the memories of her first time came flooding back at once and her body clamped shut like a shell.

"No. Robert. Stop. Please. Robert." She just couldn't do it.

"What?" His head jerked up from her neck and he tried to look into her eyes, which wasn't that easy, what with the darkness of the room and his current state of mind.

"What's wrong? Have I hurt you again?" He didn't understand. He wasn't even inside her yet.

"No, no," Cora whispered in a tearful voice, "I just can't... I don't..."

A slightly frustrated sigh escaped Robert as he let his head fall softly onto her shoulder. Taking a deep breath, he placed a gentle last kiss on her neck and just when Cora reached for his cheek, he got up. Apparently he had to finish this somewhere else, and soon.

"I'm so sorry, Robert, God, I'm so sorry," was the last thing he heard as he found the nearest door and went through it.

A tidal wave of guilt rolled over Cora as she watched him leave. So it was her fault. He had been so gentle this time, hadn't he? He hadn't forced himself onto her in any way, he had tried. It was her fault. Everything was her fault. Now he never would want to touch her again. Now he would want to divorce her for sure.  
After a few minutes Cora could hear a deep guttural groan permeate her crying and she realized what Robert had been doing next door. The fact that 'next door' was actually her bathroom registered only briefly in her guilt ridden mind as she curled up in her bed, not really expecting to be able to sleep but not wanting to see Robert's disappointment when he would pass through her bedroom either.

When Robert was finally able to open his eyes again, he realized that he had involuntarily escaped into Cora's bathroom. He let out another sigh. What a mess. This was much more complicated than he had thought. His parents would be furious, well, if they ever knew. How would Cora and he ever be able to have children if this wasn't working? But on the other hand, in the end, it was his fault. He knew it now. Everything was his fault. If he had actually listened to his father a week ago, everything would be different. If he hadn't hurt Cora that much a week ago, she wouldn't be so damn afraid of him.  
That he was now standing in Cora's bathroom only added to Robert's frustration and feeling of guilt. How cold and unfeeling would it look when he just passed through her bedroom now to reach his own bed? But there was no way around it, he couldn't very well spend the night in Cora's bathroom. The moment he opened the door to her room, her crying registered in his ears and he became aware of her curled up form in the bed. Robert suddenly felt himself rooted to the spot.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't just leave her like that, after all, he was the cause of her current misery and she had no one. Not here in this town, not at home at Downton, not in this country.

So Robert did something what would make both of them wonder for years to come. He put his pyjama back on and crawled back into her bed, which Cora didn't seem to notice until he put his arms around her trembling body and held her as close as he felt able to.

"Robert, I'm so sorry," she sobbed and tried to turn in his arms.

But Robert held her fast.

"Shhhh, Cora, it's not your fault."


	6. Revelations

_Dear readers, I hope, the story is still plausible, sometimes I feel like I've lost my way a bit. And there's still some way to go, actually ;) And please don't get too excited - they are not out of the woods yet...;) Enjoy x_

* * *

The first day of the second week of Robert's and Cora's honeymoon promised to become a perfect day, even in its early hours. At least for the weather outside of the luxurious bedroom where Cora Crawley née Levinson had been lying awake for quite some time and didn't dare move for fear of waking her husband, who, to her lingering astonishment, lay spooned against her and slept soundly.

What a fiasco last night had been. The memory brought her almost immediately to the brink of tears again. Would she ever be able to give him what he needed? And what was her duty as his wife after all. Not to mention her duty as the future Countess of Grantham which was primarily to give birth to a healthy strapping son at some point in the, hopefully, near future. But before you could give birth you had to conceive, that much was clear. No stork would relieve her of that biological necessity. Although she had wished for a fleeting moment last night, that this bloody bird could just show up on Downton's doorstep and deliver a bundle like the postman delivered letters.  
What would happen if she didn't overcome her fears? While Robert had been in the bathroom the scene had enfolded itself before her inner eye in painful clarity. Robert's disappointed face, the snide comments of her mother-in-law, the frustration of Lord Grantham who had to look for another saviour for his estate, the harsh words from her own mother, who had been beside herself that she had managed to marry a future British Earl, the signing of divorce papers, the mocking looks of society. She hadn't really been able to decide which of all those images she found the most frightening, but Robert's disappointment was a good candidate. She was in love with him, wasn't she, foolish girl that she was, the absolutely last thing she wanted was to disappoint him in any way.

But now Robert had given her hope for he had saved the day somehow. He could have just gone to sleep in his own bed and leave her. They could have been on their way back to Downton by now to announce the failure, but he hadn't spoken one harsh word last night. True, she hadn't seen his face after he had come back, there might have been a deep frustration visible in his marvelous blue eyes, but in his words it hadn't shown. On the contrary, the words he had whispered into her ear had soothed her profoundly.  
And his strong arms, which were wrapped around her, soothed her still. Cora Crawley hadn't felt this secure in a long time and the foolish girl in love, which loved him even more for what he had done, wished, they could lie in bed like this till the end of their days.

When the first rays of sunshine started to light up the room, Cora felt Robert stir behind her and the butterflies in her stomach took a leap, because he didn't jump up and fled the bed like she had expected him to but instead he mumbled something unintelligible into her hair and pressed himself even closer to her body. And then she felt it. Something hard was prodding the small of her back. Cora took a deep breath and made a decision.

"Robert? Are you awake?" She laced her fingers through his, hoping he wouldn't just escape when he realized where he was and what they were doing.

"Mmmmh," someone was calling his name..., but the only thing that really registered in Robert's sleepy mind was the warm body in his arms. 'What a nice feeling', he thought, he had never in his life awoken with his arms around someone else. Such bliss.

"Robert?"

"What?" His eyes snapped open and he suddenly realized where he was, who it was that his arms were wrapped around and what his body obviously wanted to do this fine morning. When he tried instinctively and somewhat hastily to put some space between him and his wife though, Cora held on to his hand.

"Robert, please don't leave just yet," she turned around to face him. "Please? Just a minute?" Cora almost pleaded.

"But Cora, I... we shouldn't... we can't... I have to..." Robert trailed off, very aware now of his fairly uncomfortable predicament. He couldn't very well tell her what he had to do now. God, this was driving him nuts. Why did this have to be so bloody complicated. He'd never thought married life to be this complicated. And the way she was looking at him now. With this mixture of fear and desperation. He gave up.

"What? What do you want?" Robert sighed, suddenly feeling anger bubbling up inside of him, but he wasn't angry at her or at something specific, he was just simply angry. His manhood was throbbing painfully, but his beautiful wife couldn't yet help him with that, and on top of everything else his stomach started to growl audibly. Robert always got cranky when he was hungry.

Cora had to swallow.

"I... I want to apologize for last night. I don't know, what happened, but..."

"Don't apologize, Cora, please, I told you, it's not your fault," he cut her off, while managing to wriggle himself out of her grasp. He had to go and relieve himself somewhere or put the basin of cold water, which stood in his room, to good use. But he had to do it now. He wasn't in the mood for talking.

"No, please Robert, hear me out," she went after him across the bed and just as his feet had hit the ground and he'd started to look for his slippers, she slung her arms around his shoulders, slightly surprised by her own courage.

"Cora, please," exasperation was clearly audible in his voice.

"I know, I know that you are," Cora swallowed again, "that you are... ready," she managed to say.

"What?" His head turned abruptly and Cora looked into his questioning eyes.

"I felt it," her courage was drowning away rapidly now, "when you snuggled up to me," her voice faltered and was barely audible anymore, "which was nice."

"Can't we just try again?" She suddenly blurted out to both of their surprise.

"What? No... Cora... No, I don't... after last night, I...," he stood up, now looking down at her and into her eyes, which had just gotten even more fearful and Robert realized, remembering her trembling body and her desperate sobbing from last night, that she was very probably afraid he would blame her or want to divorce her or something, so he forced himself to calm down.

"Please, don't feel obliged in any way. Don't think, you have to force yourself to anything. We have time, Cora, hm? Everything will be alright," he caressed her cheek softly and placed a light kiss on top of her head.

"Thank you," Cora whispered, considerably relieved by his words. But she had made a decision this morning and she hadn't yet abandoned it completely.

"Then, can I at least... can I... see it?"

"See what?" He had picked up his dressing gown.

"Your...," she gestured vaguely into the direction of his hips.

"Oh. Well, if you think that's going to help," he mumbled with just a hint of embarrassment. It didn't matter anymore anyway and he didn't want to argue with Cora. Not now. All he wanted right now was to get rid of his predicament and have a hearty breakfast afterwards.

Robert put his dressing gown back down onto the armchair, took a deep breath and dropped his pyjama pants.

"Finished?" Cora heard his voice after a while and only then she realized that she was staring. She managed to tear her eyes away from Robert's middle part and to look into his face. What she didn't manage was to utter a word, so Cora just nodded instead.  
Robert pulled his pants back up and cocked his head to look at her, trying to figure out what she was thinking, though he had to admit to himself, he wasn't very successful.

"Is everything alright?" Robert asked cautiously.

"Yes, everything is fine," Cora replied in a quiet but steady voice, which, Robert suddenly realized, was exactly what he had needed to hear, spoken in exactly the way he had needed it to be spoken.

"Then I'm going to get dressed now? Do I see you at breakfast? Let's say in half an hour?"

"I'm looking forward to it," Cora said and with a last nod, Robert left her bedroom to - finally - attend to his problem.

The moment, Robert had closed her bedroom door behind him, both of them smiled.

Like every day of the past week they enjoyed having breakfast on the balcony. The sun was shining, the sea glistening in the sunlight, the breakfast was exquisite and the music of the waves crashing softly onto the beach provided a calming background to their conversation. After having satisfied his morning desires, Robert felt considerably more relaxed and Cora seemed glad, that this mornings breakfast wasn't any different from the one's of their first week together and the issue of last night appeared to be resolved for now. While he read his morning paper, Cora admired the beautiful scenery, which she apparently couldn't get enough of. After a little while, she started to write a letter.

Robert eyed her cautiously each time he turned the pages of the paper, though.

When he had 'calmed' himself with a little help of cold water this morning an idea had suddenly sprung to his mind, which at first he thought pretty ridiculous but Robert found himself thinking about it throughout breakfast. He just couldn't get it out of his head. Remembering how he had woken up with his arms around her, her warm body pressed against his, their feet entangled in between the sheets and how he had enjoyed that, he wanted to experience it again. He knew, it wasn't proper and people like them didn't do such things, but their case was different, wasn't it? Perhaps his idea would help with their miserable situation, which was his fault anyway, so he was the one, who had to try and do something about it. But perhaps she would be appalled by it. In the end, she hadn't said anything about his 'display' earlier. Robert hadn't expected applause exactly but he hadn't been able to interpret her face, neither correctly nor otherwise. Perhaps he should just be content that she hadn't shrieked or covered her eyes or something. The few words she had managed to speak had given him hope that not all was lost and they had calmed him, but he couldn't be sure, could he? Well, the only way of knowing whether Cora would even consider his ludicrous idea was to ask her. When he took a deep breath, Robert felt like when he once went ice skating with Rosamund - on the third day of winter.

"Cora?" He dropped his paper, "I've had an idea regarding our... our... predicament."

Cora looked up from her letter, her quill suddenly scratching audibly across the paper.

"Robert, I don't... I thought..."

"Please, Cora, hear me out," he interrupted her seeing that the fear had returned to her rather marvelous blue eyes.

"Before I say anything, let me tell you, it's just a silly idea. You can say no, in fact, I'd like you to say no if you don't want to go along with it. Like I told you, I don't want you to feel obliged in any way. We do have time, Cora. Alright?"

"Alright," she whispered.

"Cora, I...," Robert had to take another deep breath. Confessing or indeed even speaking about his feelings, feelings of any sort, hadn't been his forte up till now for he had very little practice with this kind of thing, "I really enjoyed waking up with you this morning. And I don't mean it in, well, that way," he added hastily and gestured into the direction of his hips.

"What would you say, if I... if we... were to sleep together from now on? And I actually mean sleep, not, you know... perhaps it would help us to get to know each other better, or, or... I promise, I'm not going to force you or me on you, or, or... I know it's not proper, but..." realizing he was babbling now, Robert tore his eyes away from the bread basket he had fixated throughout his speech and raised his head to finally look at her.

For some unknown reason his heart was racing inside of his chest and his face felt flushed.

Cora's eyes had grown wider and wider the more and more words tumbled out of her husband. That she definitely had not expected. A wave of happiness surged through her, but Cora felt at a loss for words, though she knew, he was waiting for an answer. She lowered her gaze.

"Robert, you shame me. With what have I deserved this? I thought you would never want to see me again...," she trailed off, not being able to actually say the words.

"You really thought I would want to divorce you?" Robert asked, a little bit taken aback by her revelation.

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes still fixed on the half-finished letter in front of her.

"But it's my fault, isn't it?" Robert murmured, more to himself than actually asking her.

"How can it be your fault?" Cora felt genuinely confused by his words.

"My father... my father told me, just before our wedding night, to be gentle. And I wasn't. I hurt you. I'm sorry, I really am," Robert's voice was only barely audible anymore and he was staring at the bread basket again.

Understanding dawned on Cora. Finally. He felt guilty. They both felt guilty and had been groping in the dark for more than a week. In more than just one way. She reached across the table and took his hand in hers.

"Robert?" He raised his head and Cora thought she detected fear in his eyes.

"I'd very much like to wake up with you beside me again."


End file.
